Bad Roommate's friends

I was just thinking about this incident last night. At my old apartment my roommates used to eat my left over food with out telling me. I didn't get mad because I did the same to them. However, if leftovers are labeled then it is clearly obvious other people should not touch your food. One night I bought a whole pizza and ate a few slices. I stored my leftovers in the fridge and left a note saying it was my lunch for the very next day. Unfortunately, my roommate's friends ate my leftovers. I was angry because I barely ate my pizza, and I didn't know who ransacked fridge. I asked (demanded) who ate my food, but no spoke up. In the end, nothing was resolved which resulted in me hating my roommate's friends and vice-versa.

Unnatural Food

     This past Easter Sunday one of our friends left a bag of candy on our dining table. When we came home from Church, I went upstairs to drop off my stuff, and when I came down stairs I saw Lincoln with grotesque face.
 I asked him what was wrong:

Me: Hey dude, what's up?
Lincoln: I thought this was candy.
Me: Uh... that's a giant piece of chalk...no!

While I was upstairs Lincoln dug through the candy bag and grabbed the largest item. It was a giant piece of chalk that was shaped like an egg. He thought it was a strawberry flavored candy. I started laughing, and then Fred came home and told me to help out with dinner next store. As I walked out the door, I heard Fred screaming after hearing Lincoln eating chalk. Within ten minutes everyone we knew, over forty people, heard what happened to Lincoln. Lincoln is one of the select few who is infamous for eating non-human food. However, below is the greatest, most embarrassing, roommate Joe story ever.

         So last year Joe fasted from eating meat. One day, while shopping at Trader Joe's, he decided to break fast when he saw a bag of "jerky" that read,"beef flavored sticks." Essentially, the bag looked appetizing and Joe felt the urge to eat as soon as possible, so he bought the "jerky" and rushed home. When he came home, he ran upstairs and took a piece of jerky and bit into it. The "jerky" Joe was eating tasted unusual. He looked at the nutritional facts, and did not recognized any of the ingredients. Finally, Joe read the bag label a second time which clearly reads, in big font, "dog food."
       When Joe saw "dog food" printed on the bag he screamed. Lincoln was sitting in the dining table when he heard Joe's scream. Joe ran down stairs and threw the bag on the table. Lincoln then read the label and screamed shock figuring out what happened to Joe. Long story short, Joe ate dog food. He begged Lincoln not to tell anyone, but Lincoln  exposed Joe's humiliation in front of all our friends.

A lesson to take from this post is read, make sure you know you are eating human food, and karma. Lincoln made fun of Joe for eating dog food, and now we make fun of Lincoln for eating chalk.

Birthday

Watch the video first and then I’ll explain. (For some reason blogger won't let me post this video.)

       In our household the birthday tradition is invite friends over late at night, turn off all the lights, and present the birthday cake. Specifically, my birthday is on Halloween, and I kind of make it a big deal since the holiday overshadows my birthday. When I turned twenty-two, my roommates were joking about throwing a pie in my face. I took the threat seriously and acted paranoid throughout the day. I stared behind my shoulder, ran away from friends, and kept telling them, “No cake in the face, don’t hurt me.” In the end, begging my roommates not to attack me only encouraged them to plot a birthday prank against me. What you do not see in the video was all my roommates dog piling onto me. When I saw the birthday cake I let my guard down, and you know the rest. Whip cream taste good, but smells awful. I had to wash my hair two times that night and once more the next morning. 

        On March, I got my revenge against the roommate who threw whip cream in my face. Sadly, we had no whip cream in the house, so I improvised by smearing thick frosting all over my his face. Sadly, the end result was lame compared to my whip cream facial. To this day my birthday remains unforgettable. On a side note, the person singing “Silent Night” is Joe.

House War

           Our houses occasionally attack one another with nerf guns, and one night the neighbors launched a surprise invasion. One of the invaders documented this attack and made a fake trailer.

  

          The night started off with Joe and I fencing with cheap foam sticks. We stopped fooling around when we heard someone crawling through the kitchen window. Joe walked into the kitchen and I heard him scream. Before I could react the front was kicked open and the neighbors charged into the living room. The person who filmed the attack, JT, shot me and ran upstairs. I followed JT and grappled him into a headlock. Fred, Joe (He somehow escaped the living room siege), and I threw JT into our room and took him hostage. Joe and I held JT hostage for about twenty minutes, while Fred guarded the front door. Eventually, we freed JT because he lost his phone. When he found his phone he recorded minor skirmishes.Essentially, JT recorded the battle preparation and the post-battle, but he did not record the actual nerf war. The very next day Fred sent out an email to everyone in the house that says, “In light of last night’s raid, please arm yourself at all times.”

Lamps

 My roommates and I can act pretty rowdy at night. Specifically, we like playing with nerf swords. Occasionally, Joe and I challenge each other to nerf fencing in the living room. 

 When the two of us duel nothing bad happens because Joe and I can control how fast or strong we swing. However, when other people duel they swing their swords furiously. For example, one night Joe and Fred duel each other, and Joe grabbed a tall lamp to defend himself. Joe swung around the lamp and snapped it in half with a kick. As the lamp snapped sparks literally flew into the air, people watching the fight ran towards Joe to help him up and to put out a potential fire. In the end, Fred scolded Joe for using the lamp as a weapon, and everyone had to contribute paying for a new living room lamp. 
             A month after the duel Fred bought two new lamps for the living room. Joe and I were busy cleaning up the kitchen, while Fred and my housemate Scott were setting up the new lights. I heard Scott say, “Oh these lamps are nice. I hope they last us for the rest of the year.” Unfortunately, three minutes later I hear glass shatter and Scott screaming “no” for thirty seconds. Turns out Fred knocked over the lamp top which leaves nothing to shield the light bulbs brightness. My house became infamous for breaking furniture, and I guess we cannot be trusted with new lights for five minutes.

Cornbread

During the Jell-O making the neighbors next door were baking cornbread. (Just to clarify for future blog post, I currently live with six other roommates, and our next door neighbors are our friends who also have six people living together. We treat the two houses as one since Parkmerced’s largest townhouse is too small to fit thirteen people.) One person became infamous for ruining the cornbread. The instructions told him to add one table spoon of salt, but he misread the measurements and added one cup of salt. During the potluck people were anxious to try the cornbread because it smelled so good. However, once people took a bite out of the cornbread they immediately tasted only salt. Everyone taste then spat the cornbread out of their mouths like crashing dominoes.

A week later, the neighbor who ruined the cornbread tried and failed to redeem himself. He ruined his second batch  by substituting salt with baking soda. Joe sampled the new cornbread, and he quickly spat it out. When Fred saw the cornbread in the trash he asked, “Hey. Who threw away the cornbread? We don’t waste food in this house.” Joe replied with a scream, “Don’t eat the cornbread! It’s super bland. It’s poison!”

Eventually, my neighbor successfully made edible cornbread after his fifth attempt. Yes, he failed two more times making it a grand total of four failed attempts to bake cornbread.

Random Cooking Failures

One day Fred threw a left over Costco hot dog in the microwave to eat. As the microwave heated the hot dog I saw sparks flashing inside the microwave because Fred forgot to take out the foil. I panicked. All I did was stand next to the microwave, shouting "fire," and pointing at the flaming hot dog. I could have just opened the microwave door and everything would be fine. Instead, Fred ran across the room and pulled his hot dog out. To this day everyone makes fun of me for shouting fire while standing next to a potential fire.

 One night my roommates made Jell-O for a potluck. One of my roommates, Lincoln, poured the Jell-O on to an aluminum tray, but as he poured Jell-O the liquid never rose. It turned out the aluminum tray had a hole in the bottom, and the Jell-O leaked out. Lincoln cleaned up the leaked Jell-O on the counter with a rag while other roommates transferred the rest of the Jell-O onto a clean tray. Afterward, someone jokingly told Lincoln to squeeze the Jell-O from the rag on to the clean tray. So Lincoln squeezed the dirty rag juice onto the Jell-O, therefore contaminating the whole dessert. Fred screamed and told Lincoln to never do that again. Everyone was then forced to make Jell-O all over again.